(this is FICTION so no cards and letters)

J-"Who needs a beer?"
B-(raises hand) "Me."
C-"Yo..."
R- (raises hand) "Yeah get me one too."
R picked up the remote.
B-"What's on?"
C-(disgusted) "Shit."
R-"180 channels-"
C, R, & B together-"AND NOTHIN' ON!"
------------J returned with the beers----------------
J-"Hey, whatever happened to Jizzy Pearl?"
C-"He sings for RATT."
R-"He used to sing for RATT-he got fired."
B-"Yeah, I heard they got all the original members back."
C-"Jizzy sucked anyway!"
J-"Didn't he used to sing in some other band?"
C-"L.A. Guns."
J-"No, before that."
C-(thinking)"Oh yeah, what the fuck was their name…?"
B-"Love/Hate."
J-"Yeah right…whatever happened to Love/Hate?"
C-"In a nutshell, they released two records on a major label, two more on minors, they got dropped and were only one of two bands at the time that didn't blame the loss of their careers on Nirvana. Two of the guys got married, they couldn't make enough money playing rock to eat, shit happens, they broke up…
R-"I heard they broke up because of drug problems…"
B-"Wouldn't be the first time..."
J-"Which one of the guys had drug problems?"
R-"All of them I think."
C-"Doesn't matter, they sucked anyway!"
B-"I always thought Jizzy was a drug addict."
R-"Coke? Or Sweet Lady H?"
B-"Coke I think…or maybe it was speed."
R-"Maybe he did coke when they had that big record deal. Then when they got dropped he switched to speed…speed is cheaper."
J-(agreeing)"That makes sense."
C-"Yeah he was always real skinny…"
R-"Too skinny if ya ask me."
B-"Maybe he has AIDS."
C-"Yeah, HIV."
R-"Where'd you hear that?"
B-"I don't know…I think I read it on the Internet somewhere."
C-"I hear he beats women too."
R-"What an asshole!"
J-"I heard he put some girl in the hospital."
B-"Broke her jaw..."
R-"What a prick!"
B-"I heard he punched some girl out at the Rainbow, broke her jaw and then pissed on her…"
C-"I'd like to kick his ass!"
J-"He pissed on her? Is that true?"
B-(confidently) "I heard it on the Internet!"
R-"What a fucking prick!"
J-"Didn't he write a book or something?"
C- (angry) "So what?"
J- (defensive)"I'm just asking…"
R-(disgusted)"Yeah he wrote a book, 'Autobiography of a Junkie Asshole that Pisses on Women'…a fuckin' Bestseller."
--------------------more beers---------------
J-(changes subject)"I wonder what happened to all those bands?"
C-"80's bands?"
J-"Yeah."
B-"All of them got dropped."
R-"All of them?"
B-"EVERY ONE OF THEM. Love/Hate, L.A. Guns, Junkyard, Sleez Beez, Tora Tora…(waves to his friends) Help me out here…?"
C-"Faster Pussycat, Sea Hags, Jetboy, Bang Tango, Kill for Thrills…"
J- (excited) "Oh wait let me get in on this! The Lost Boys, Winger, Wildside, Kik Tracee, Lord Tracy…Royal Court of China?"
C-"What a stupid name!"
J-"Rhino Bucket, Brittney Foxx…"
B-"What about the Nymphs?"
C-"The Nymphs?"
J-"Yeah, they were signed for about ten minutes…"
B-"Bulletboys, Warrant, Firehouse…"
R-"Firehose or Firehouse?"
B-"Both."
C-"Here's one, Mozart…remember them?"
R-"I remember the Movie…was there a band by that name?"
C-"Yeah, for about ten minutes."
R-"Dangerous Toys, D'Molls, Slaughter…"
J-"What about Tuff? Famous for Ten Minutes?"
C-"More like Five."
J-(takes deep breath) "OK HERE GOES…Danger Danger, Saigon Kick, the Scream, D.A.D., Shotgun Messiah, Vixen, Electric Boys, the Almighty, Dogs d' Amour, The Quireboys, Extreme, Steelheart…whew, that's it... I'm sure there's more but I can't think of them right now."
C-"Every one of those bands suck!"
R- (Sighing) "Whatever happened to those times…?"
B- (Smiling)"Yeah, when the Sunset Strip was cool!"
J-"I can remember there used to be a thousand people walking the Sunset Strip every night!"
C-"And all those flyers, remember?"
B-"The whole sidewalk was covered in band flyers!"
J-"You'd get handed a band flyer every five feet."
C-"You'd hold it in your hand just long enough to where they couldn't see you-"
B-"And then drop it on the ground!"(laughter)
J-"After a while you couldn't even see the sidewalk!"
C-"You know what's sad? Here we are making fun of all those 80's bands…but what about the bands that NEVER made it, the ones that never got a record deal?"
R-"They must number in the thousands…"
B---"Poor fuckers."
C-(laughs scornfully) "They're better off! All those bands that we mentioned got signed, made one, maybe two records--then got dropped and ended up broker than they were when they got signed in the first place!"
B- (Sighs)"He's right."
J-"I guess the ones that failed were better off…"
C-"The signed guys only postponed the Inevitable for a few measly years!"
R-"Southgang! What about Southgang?"
B-(angrily) "We're done with that game!"
C-"Besides, they sucked!"
R-"What do you think it's like, I mean, getting a record deal and then losing it a year or two later?"
J-"I bet a bunch of those guys bought nice cars and houses and then had to give them up."
R-"Except for Jizzy, he probably spent all his money on drugs."
B-"And hookers."
J-"And needles."
C-"He sucked anyway!"
R-"Believe it or not some of those 80's bands are STILL playing, L.A. Guns, RATT, Warrant…"
B-"They're deluding themselves."
J-"Maybe they don't know how to do anything else?"
R-"Maybe they just like playing music?"
J-"Nah….I vote for delusion."
B-"Delusion."
C-"Yeah they're fucking high on glue!"
R--"Even though we're agreed that all the 80's guys are has-beens and old and most of them don't even have their own hair …still, for a while they got to be Rock Stars."
C-"What do you mean?"
R-"I mean they got to be real ROCK STARS, they got to travel and fuck a million chicks and do their Drugs for free and be on MTV…"
J-"That must have been cool…"
B-"Yeah MTV sucks now..."
R-"To hear your song on the radio, your first tour bus, your first groupie…"
J-"Meeting all your Rock Idols…"
B-"Like Steven Tyler."
C-"Or Ozzy."
R-"Or Brian May from Queen."
J-"And being on MTV."
C-"And having people dig your music…"
J-"And having orgies…"
B-"Orgies every night!"
J-(to audience) So what have we learned? We've learned that 80's bands, even though they got to taste some cool Glory Back in the Day are probably a lot more broke than us guys who never made it and were forced to get day jobs. And the 80's bands that continue to play are engaging in a mass hallucination that someday they'll make it back on MTV. The skinny musicians probably have HIV and the fat ones are balding and Jizzy's a prick because he likes to urinate on women and all this must be true because some fucker heard it on the Internet and EVERYTHING said on the Internet is the Truth, even if it's complete Bullshit…anything else?

C-"Yeah they all sucked anyway!"