E L I A N  G O N Z A L E S  A N D  T H E  I N T E R N E T  A R E  O N E

I sat up most of Last Saturday watching the replay of Elian Gonzalez being taken away from the Miami Relatives, the Horror, the Spectacle over and over, the Infamous Photo of the Paramilitary with Guns drawn taking the quaking little boy from the clutches of his Zoo-Keepers. The Posturing and the Rhetoric entranced me, I spoiled for a fight, I WANTED to see Miami in Flames----When was the Looting going to start ? When will the distraught Mob realize that only a Wide-screen TV will satisfy their anger? It seemed to make us Angelenos feel better, I'm referring of course to our own little "uprising" in 1992. There wasn't a Dry Eye or a Decent Stereo left standing in the Entire City. I didn't Loot, of course...I watched it on TV. Like Today, I watched the Whole Thing on TV, I wasted a whole day watching this Stupidity play itself out. Come Sunday Morning I woke up early again for another day of hand-wringing and Daddy-Bashing. When the Miami relatives claimed that the photos of Little Elian taken with his Father were "doctored", or the Boy was being "Brainwashed", or the child was drugged because he couldn't POSSIBLY want to be with his own Father...I hit the Wall. These people were Desperate and Reaching and it made me sick....I stopped watching, I'd wasted Two days, I felt like I'd been Had.

I felt like all this....Television News, all of it was just wasted space, an excuse for cheap Leering Gossip and Vulgar Mud-Slinging. Yes, the Father should be with his own Son but then again, why do I GIVE A SHIT? I effectively shut out Most of the entire Monica Lewinsky Debacle, that Perverse excuse for "responsible news reporting", that Media circus that all but had Jenna Jameson standing in to "dramatize" what Blowing Clinton must have been like. Because that's what it was all about, really....Head. Our President got Head in the Oval Office. The Dress and of course the Cigar. I remember being on tour with L.A. Guns at the time and Steve Riley and I sharing the back lounge and Him every day regaling me with the latest Lewinsky Nonsense. It was terrible, this was USA Today, not the Weekly World News--- I said "Who cares about Monica Lewinsky?" and He said---- "I DO---STEVE RILEY---I CARE" And he meant it, he really cared. When I brought up the fact that We the People had been reduced to Yellow Journalism he scoffed and said "You don't even know about the Cigar, do you?" As if the Cigar represented Pakistan in some Global Thermo-nuclear Conflict and I was too stupid and ignorant of Geo-Politics to know it. The Cigar and the DNA-stained dress, All of it Kibble for the Masses to Nibble. Now it's a Year later and absolutely NO ONE gives a shit about Monica Lewinsky anymore, she couldn't get arrested for selling Crack Naked in Washington Square. And I predict 2 months from now we'll no longer care about the "Cuban Crisis" of Little Elian Gonzalez, it will be replaced by some other feverish Nonsense. Some Sports Figure will get caught smoking Dope or something, either way, it's already been decided from On High and We have no control over it.

The Cuban Community and the Miami Media have been pretty selective as well about their "reporting". You don't read anywhere about Lazaro Gonzalez, the Good Guy, the Benevolent Great Uncle, you don't read anywhere about his FOUR drunk driving arrests. Or the fact that he hasn't held a solid job for Six years. This guy should hang out at the Rainbow, he sounds like some People I know. This is the Perfect American Home that we would prefer Little Elian to live in, A Welfare Home. An Alcoholic Home. Better he live in a Dumpster than to go back to the Evil Clutches of that "Monster " Fidel Castro. I saw the Monster deliver a speech that same day and he looked like Gandalf the Wizard from the Tolkien Trilogy--pale and frail and about 120 years old, sorta comical shaking his fist in his brand new green fatigues that fit him badly. So this was the Antichrist....The Cuban Community NEEDS Castro to always be Evil because it powers their Political Machine. Castro is gonna die soon and then they'll really be fucked. Which begs the question, WHO is paying Lazaro Gonzalez's Rent? Who pays for their Food? Who gave Lazaro Gonzalez that expensive Cell Phone he's always using? And who paid for the Whole Gonzalez family to fly to Washington on One Day's Notice? Who's paying for their Hotels? Somebody sure wants to keep this conflict going and is willing to shell out Major Dollars to do it and YOU KNOW it isn't me, I rarely leave a good tip..... 

This brings me to the Internet, that Giant Mud-slinging Wall we so Affectionately call the Grand Information Super-Highway. It is No such Thing, it is a Huge Shit-Slinging Arena and you and I are but Shit-stained Gladiators Knee-Deep in It. I admit it, I am an Internet Voyeur of the Highest Order, I go to my Bookmarked sites every day and read the Dribble that spews forth. Someone Motherfucks Me and I Motherfuck Them. Bands and Fans of Bands put up their news and we in turn make fun of their increasing Waistline and their Decreasing Hairline. Because somehow that makes us feel better, because we can have the Last Word, because let's face it, a person from a small town in Maryland posing as "Superfan" stands a good chance of never getting his ass kicked if he said the same exact shit to someone's face. This is the Internet, at least what I see every day. Anybody can say ANYTHING and basically get away with it. So be it. I'm playing with a guy named Krys Baratto and he plays in C.C. DeVille's band Samantha 7. If you want to see Motherfucking at it's most Sublime I suggest you go there. Half the People hate C.C. for quitting and then re-joining Poison and the other half hate C.C. for doing his own Solo Music and somehow turning his back on Poison. C.C. does not own a computer and probably doesn't give a shit either way. I read these people's passionate pleas or emotional Hate-bursts and I wonder where the emotion comes from, like the hundreds of people that stood in front of the Gonzalez home and waved their flags or their Rosaries----What fuels the emotion? Why would ANYONE care so passionately about what C.C. does?? The answer is...you
don't. You post on the Internet because it's anonymous and safe to do so. You can call C.C. all the Most Hateful Junkie-Filled Curses you can think of and get away with it. Ratt has suffered the same fate because of Pearcy Leaving. Here's My Theory as to why He left, maybe they've been together so long that they just don't like each other anymore, maybe they can't stand each other. Maybe they're sick to death of looking at each other's Faces and they want to play with New faces. All these Bands are forced to Play 95% Catalog, that's the Price of Staying Alive and THAT should be enough for any fan. Fans want their Bands to always Look and stay exactly the Same as when they were when they were famous and unfortunately Father Time hasn't let that happen. Remember the Virtual Holiday Atmosphere Roasting Phil Lewis about Six Months ago? ---even a "Rage Page" devoted to Motherfucking Him, it was unbelievable. Last week it was Sebastian, next week it'll be Someone Else, maybe You, maybe Me. The Internet for a lot of people is a way of telling people what you REALLY think of them , just not to their faces, safe and secure behind your keyboard and screen. Cackling at someone else's Misfortune, sycophantic "You Go Girl" giggling over a favorite band. Who slept with Who. I resolve to stop watching any Elian Gonzalez-Related Bullshit Television, I hope I can stick to my plan. As far as the Internet....I can offer no Promises.