C H A P T E R  N I N E

we came back from New York very pickled and very tired. I had been VERY BAD,  you see, I had been very very naughty, I had explored the Dark Side of my personality and I HAD LIKED IT. ouch...so , the WASTED record was done and in the can and in Sept. of '91 we were offered the Skid Row tour in Europe . only 11 dates, but places we had never been, like Ireland and Switzerland , etc.--problem was, we had no product; nothing to sell. WASTED  wasn't due to be out for 6 months. but the label hit upon an idea, we had a song called "Evil Twin" that we had been doing in the U.K. , way before WASTED  was even born. they would use that song as an EP , fill it up with some B-sides and VOILA!! ---a free trip to Europe . that's how the companies make their $$$$, you see, EP's and B-sides. they sell them and slowly nickel- and -dime the kids to death.

now, we didn't want EVIL TWIN  to be the single, we had grown way past that song, we didn't even want it on the WASTED  record, but the COMPANY  had spoken....you don't fuck with the Evil Empire, you don't BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU---

I remember on a certain day Skid and I were scheduled to do an interview with KERRANG magazine, we were at the Cat and Fiddle club in L.A.--the interviewer was a guy named Neil Jeffries, we were good friends and the interview was very informal....so he starts off 

   " so, how do you guys like the new EVIL TWIN  record?"
   " we hate it" Skid says...

WRONG ANSWER. I sat there squirming in my seat while Skid starts to tear Sony a new asshole. not only do we hate the record, but we're getting fucked over , they're doing this without our consent, etc.  even Neil's feeling uncomfortable as Skid's telling all our loyal U.K. fans that " his ass-kissing days are over at Sony". he excuses himself to go to the bathroom and I pull Neil close to me and I say -- " look Neil, as a friend YOU CAN'T PRINT ANY OF THIS"

we LOVE the new record...we LOVE it. Jesus Christ, Sony was about to pop another $75, 000 to give  us another free trip to Europe and Skid was cutting our throats.  Neil kept his word and eventually the interview came out, all positive and glowing. I talked to our manager and told him what was going on but he could do nothing, nothing at all. it's hard to relate how the climate was at that time, Skid was telling me" you know, David Kahne thinks I'm a Genius" I was hearing this all the time, GENIUS... and how do you deal with that? all thru Europe, every interview, every country, Skid would tear into Sony, drunk, about the shittiness of what they were doing, how they were fucking us over, and how his "ass-kissing days " were over...I sat there, trying to change the subject, interupting, interjecting, but to no avail---I don't know how much of this got back to Sony, but I'm sure some did...

so, we're in Europe with Skid Row and I'm drinking hard, harder than ever. I'm pissed because Joey and Jon get to do all the tourist stuff , and I'm stuck doing all the interviews. no Berlin Wall, no lunches on the Eiffel Tower , just me in a room telling people what our "influences " were. I never got to see anything , really. I did go to the British Museum once, on a day off, but I got kicked out for crawling in a mummy case.  don't even ask me WHY  I did that...the curators were not amused.

we went to Ireland which was really cool. we stayed at a little place called Kelly's Motel . I met Kelly later that night when I tried to spray his hotel with a fire extinguisher. booze...we brought some girls back to the hotel and the next morning we had to hear about how scandalized the whole town is....Jeez, we didn't even do anything, this was IRELAND, remember, the land of NO ABORTIONS---just slightly less strict than Saudi Arabia.

we're in Edinbrough, Scotland with Skid Row and we did  a show there and on the same night the BBC was doing a show called " the Word" , sort of a HARD COPY-type show, and it's all about GROUPIES, they went to the show and they interviewed these backstage girls and one of them, the fattest , ugliest one of them all tells 80 million people that she and I are lovers---I didn't know this, of course, the show came out weeks later. and I DIDN'T sleep with her either, by the way. but 80 million people thought I did and when we came back to London 2 weeks later everyone is talking about yours truly, did he or didn't he? the power of TV, Jesus, some toothless hag says she fucked me and all of a sudden I'm in all the papers....it was like a Twilight-Zone episode, really....

our next gig with Skid Row was at the London Arena and after the show Sebastian and I go to some bar in the city and we proceed to get ripped, really fucked -up. words were exchanged and all of a sudden violence occurs. Sebastian wanted to kick my ass, I'm about to get punched out when Skid jumps in and says "HIT ME INSTEAD" which I thought was rather noble, really--I go home in a taxi and the next morning Jon informs me that due to my behavior we are OFF THE TOUR...hmmm....this was an unexpected twist, we decide to go to the next gig anyway and I'm thinking "what can I say to patch things up?" if we get kicked off this tour I'm fucked --booze, always booze, the DARK SIDE, JIZZILLA, THE MONSTER

we get to the show and I'm in this long hallway pacing back and forth, thinking, what to say, what to say, when Sebastian himself walks in, there's 5 seconds of silence and he says" oh, fuck it" and we go into a group hug and MY ASS IS SAVED, for the moment....